Inching towards mediocrity.


All’s whale that ends whale. (Now with 61% more feces!)

Have I got a whale of a tale for you today, dear reader. (And I assure you, that is only the first of many, many whale-based puns to come).

If you were "fishing" for more stories about whales, you got it! (Yes, I'm aware that they're mammals).

Continue reading



Plugging Into Plants. (Now with 87% more algae!)

In a move that’s no doubt being hailed by experts for it’s “what the hell, why not” attitude, scientists have turned to algae cells to produce electricity.

That’s correct. Algae cells.

Yep. ALGAE.

Continue reading



Local Heat Wave Blamed on The Sun, Experts Say

Environment Canada says that this April has been the warmest Toronto has ever seen in at least 150 years. (That’s when they started recording this kind of thing). The average temperature has been 11.3 degrees celcius –  a number that crushes the normal average of only 7.6 degrees celcius. While this has been great news for Toronto patio goers, environmental experts remain worried, and offer a grim explanation for the sudden rise in temperatures.

It’s not global warming – not this time. They theorize that the sun is moving closer.

I'm coming for you, bitches.

Continue reading



Mongolian Death Worm Discovered; Fact, Hoax or Elaborate Cover-Up? Part II.

The Mongolian Death Worm, a cryptid long believed to be a hoax, has been discovered by Kingston scientist Dr. Raymond Gavan. It was Dr. Gavan’s curiosity that brought he and his motley crew of adventure seekers to the Gobi Desert; it would be his obsession that brought them to disaster.

Continue reading



Mongolian Death Worm Discovered; Fact, Hoax or Elaborate Cover-Up?

The Mongolian Death Worm, a creature long believed to only exist in legend, has been discovered. It was discovered recently by crypto-zoologist Dr. Raymond Gavan in the Gobi Desert in an expedition that Dr. Gavan himself describes as “a wholly, and completely, wrong-headed idea.”
Continue reading