Inching towards mediocrity.


Albert Gonquin’s Five Helpful Tips For Being Environmentally Conscious In The Woods (A Helpful List From Albert Gonquin)

Hello, everyone. I know you probably came here looking for Luciano Galasso to regale you with tales of whatever it is he usually talks about. Unfortunately, he’s not here at the moment…so I guess you’re just stuck with me. Allow me to introduce myself, though I don’t expect you to remember my name or ever bring it up in conversation again. That’s fine, by the way.

I hope you like feeling bored and disappointed. I'm Al Gonquin.

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Fourteen fears that you’ll probably never have. (Now with 81% more mole-rats!)

Fear. It is the great divider. It is what separates ordinary from the extraordinary. It can reduce the greatest hero to a gibbering mass of terrified jelly, and when overcome, can elevate the lowliest peasant to heights of courage only dreamed about by mortal man. It descends into the deepest, darkest recesses of our souls and exposes our true nature for all the world to see – utilizing evil images, emotions and visions to tear  us down from the inside. Fear takes on the form of whatever disturbs us the most, and taps into our cultural and emotional psyche to become objectified forms of the things that frighten us the most.

We fear what can not be explained; we fear the things that we do not understand; and sometimes, we fear things that are just plain weird.

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Night of the talk show hosts. (Now with 72% more “Jaywalking!”)

As promised, today we’re going to continue to wade into the Late Night Wars saga by ranking the hosts of each current show from best to worst. (Well, everyone except Carson Daly. He’d just skew the results).

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