Inching towards mediocrity.


Silver Sluggers. (Now with 88% less Robinson Cano!)

Aaron Hill and Adam Lind

Well.

Quick baseball related interlude here, and then we’ll return you to your regularly scheduled “24-centric” programming.

The MLB handed out their annual Golden Glove and Silver Slugger awards, and while the Blue Jays were shut out in defense, they made a big impact in offense.

Only three teams in the entire MLB had multiple recipients of Silver Slugger awards – The New York Yankees (World Series Champions), the LA Dodgers (National League West Champions) and the Toronto Blue Jays (American League East Fourth Place Champions.)

Aaron Hill, our All-Star second basemen, and Adam Lind our All-Star-in-our-hearts designated hitter, each brought home the award.

Congratulations, boys, and hopefully these two will remain the faces of the franchise for a long time – something we’ll definitely need after we inevitably trade Halladay.

Edit:

Huh. It seems that this just happens to be my 32nd blog post.

Roy Halladay’s number.

GUESS HE’S STAYING AFTER ALL, FOLKS.

Please don’t quote me on that.



Day-by-day. (Now with 100% less Season Six!)

Well.

Two more days to endure of “24” week!

DEAL WITH IT.

Today we examine the individual seasons of “24,” ranked from of course worst to best. There have been seven seasons of the show so far, but as I already ranted about my displeasure at Season Six yesterday, I’ve decided to move on and leave it off today’s list.

Rest assured though, that if it was on here…it would be last.

Dead last.

Six: Season Four.

Despite the rampant awesomeness of having the mummy as the main villain, Season Four couldn’t really live up to any of it’s expectations. Ridiculous terrorist plot after ridiculous terrorist plot kept elevating the threat to mammothly outlandish proportions. By the end, I wasn’t really sure what the hell was going on. Marwan (the mummy) while a pretty badass villain had way to many contingency/escape plans. It was just poor writing. Everytime the authorities would close in on him, ready to foil whatever act of terror he was planning to unleash, he would conveniantly escape through a back exit/staircase/trick ladder, ready to start a new, bigger, better plan.

It just got to be a bit too much.

Oh…and, also…I may be wrong on this, but I think this may be the only season of the show where a major character isn’t killed off.

Highlights: Jack’s videogame-like assault on a terrorist headquarters; the surprise re-emergence of Tony; the mummy.

Five: Season Three.

Season Three started off pretty well. In an effort to infiltrate a drug cartel, Jack got himself addicted to heroin. He also got himself a new partner, in the form of hunky Chase Edmunds. It’s usually a bad sign when a series adds a young partner like that, but Chase was surprisingly solid. He was an adequate foil for Jack, and I genuinely would have liked to see more of him.

The villains this season were an interesting affair, beginning with the delightfully charming Salazar brothers and ending with the delightfully British Stephen Saunders – who had amazing potential but was, naturally, pretty much wasted.

The season revolved around some virus with the capacity to kill the whole world or something, and CTU’s efforts to stop it. It also featured the emergence of fan favorite Chloe O’Brien, an interesting (and first of many) twist on the tired mole cliche, and Jack, as always, confronting his personal demons.

At some point Tony also got shot in the neck, but was on his feet glowering and barking orders a few hours later. He’s a trooper, that guy!

Highlights: Michelle gets tough in a hotel; Sherry dies (finally.); Chloe makes her first appearance; Jack plays a game of Russian Roulette; Jack kills Chappelle; Jack kills Nina; Jack doesn’t kill the main villain. (Actually, that was kind of lame.)

Four: Season One.

This is where it all began, seven or so odd years ago. (Which is like nineteen in the “24” world.) We’re introduced to the greatest hero of all time, his annoying family, and the Counter Terrorist Unit – all tropes that would become, more or less, series staples until the Seventh Season.

It was at times meandering, at times inane (especially whilst covering whatever shenanigans Kim and Teri had gotten themselves into) and at times overstayed it’s welcome.

Still, it had it’s moments – including a scenery-chewing, bizarrely accented Dennis Hopper as the main villain, and the final scene.

Also, Lou Diamond Phillips showed up near the end for some reason – and that alone puts it higher on this list.

Highlights: We meet JACK BAUER; Nina was weirdly attractive; Dennis Hopper’s accent; Lou Diamond Phillips.

Three: Season Seven.

This should have been it. From the outset, Season Seven sounded like it might just be the be-all-end-all of “24” seasons. And while it didn’t quite make it that far, it came damn close.

This is what we knew initially: for one thing, Season Seven would be the first season of “24” to leave Los Angeles, the city that had endured terrorists wrath for six years. That was pretty big. Then, we found out that CTU was being done away with as well – in favour of the Effa Bee Eye, in Washington, D.C.

Then we got wind of the sexy new partner for Jack – the beautiful (but deadly!) Agent Renee Walker, played by the talented (but deadly!) Annie Wershing. Add to that a villain played by acadamy award winner Jon Voight, and another bad guy played by the always dependable B-movie star Tony Todd, and brotha, you got a stew going.

Then came the biggest news of all – Tony Almeida would be returning from the dead somehow as Jack’s newest adversary. Saint’s alive!

And, for good measure, it was coming off the heels of the worst season in the shows history. Not a tough act to follow.

While this all sounds epic to the max on paper, it faltered a bit in execution. It was still one of the strongest seasons of the show, with some great thrills, scenes, acting, characters and guest stars. Plus, it pretty much completely did away with the core “24” cast (or what was left of it) and gave us dozens of new characters – the strongest of which may have been the new president in the “24” universe, Allison Taylor played by Cherry Jones. (Jones would win an Emmy that year for her portrayal of the strong-willed Taylor.)

Good, maybe even great, but it could have been better…nitpicking, sure, but too many twists and some truly insipid character motivations didn’t help, either – like the amazing flip-flopping Almeida. Even by the end, I don’t really know if he was good, or evil, or what.

Janene Garafalo showed up this season for some reason as well. That didn’t help, either.

Highlights: Jon Voight; Jack’s fight with henchman Quinn; Senator Red Foreman; Bill’s sacrifice; Aaron Pierce and Ethan Kanin’s Hardy Boys Mysteries subplot; Renee Walker.

Two: Season Two.

Jack Bauer was a pretty broken man coming into the show’s second season. After the death of his wife, he kind of went off the rails a bit – which turned out to be entertaining as hell for the viewer.

Season Two revolved around an impending nuclear attack on Los Angeles, organized by a Middle Eastern terrorist cell – manipulated by wealthy American businessmen led by Peter Kingsley (the dude from “Saw.”)

It was one of the more intense seasons of the show, with very few useless subplots (though there may have been something with a cougar…dammit, Kim!) and some great action – including a bombing at CTU.

It also featured a heroic and dramatic sendoff for George Mason, Jack’s boss for the first few seasons. Although kind of a douche, George redeemed himself this season and became a fan favorite because of it.

Highlights: Kate Warner; Jack’s infamous running-wall-neck-snap; Michelle and Tony start getting it on; the  cougar dude from “Saw.”

One: Season Five.

Jack Bauer takes on the President of the United States of America.

Also RoboCop. And the dude from “Warlock.” And C. Thomas Howell.

It’s pretty damn awesome.

This season had it all – one of the best sets of villains I’ve ever seen on the show; some great acting from Gregory Itzin and Jean Smart as the President and his first lady; and super-human secret service agent Aaron Pierce blew up a dude wearing a flame-thrower.

SOLD.

Highlights: The shocking first episode deaths; that fat hobbit’s sacrifice; Aaron Pierce’s expanded role; Edgar’s death; Jack deploying another famous neck snap; Jack’s final shoot-out with Henderson; the Logans.

Well.

Tomorrow we close out “24 Week” with the five best moments in the show’s history.

And then I will return you to your regularly scheduled blog!



Jackasswards. (Now with 30% more torture!)

Well.

“24” is great television. It’s ridiculous, contrived, right-leaning torture porn, but it is GREAT TELEVISION. I stand behind that.

Continue reading



Bronx Bombed. (Now with 99% less chance of the Angels making it to the World Series!)

american league championship seriesWell.

The Angels pretty much sealed their postseason fate Tuesday night, losing 10-1 to the New York Yankees in game four of the American League Championship Series. The Angels now have the unenviable task of facing the Yankees in game five, trailing them in the series 3-1. If they lose this game, it’s over. And that makes me sad.

Sadder still, is the fact that the Los Angeles Dodger’s bid for the World Series also fell short – the Philadelphia Phillies beat them in Game Four last night, becoming the National League Champions for the second year in a row.

My predictions? The Yankees are definitely going to win tonight, leading to the (what some people I’m sure saw as inevitable) World Series showdown between the Yankees and the Phillies. I’ll watch, I’m sure, but I honestly don’t know who to root for.

Oh well. I guess it’s about time to start looking ahead to next year. This may be my last regular baseball post for a while – unless the Angels mount a comeback, or I somehow get interested in a Yankees/Phillies World Series.

Regardless…I think it’s about time for a damn salary cap!



Go West, Angels. (Now with 39% more erros by the Angels!)

american league championship series

Well.

The Angels did not live up to my expectations this weekend. At all.

They now trail the Yankees by two games in this seven game series. Game three is this afternoon, and will be taking place in sunny California. Andy Pettitte will take the mound for the Yankees; Jared Weaver for the Angels.

The Halos really need to step it up today. Not only are they already two games behind the Yankees, but they haven’t been playing very good baseball. Countless errors have mired an otherwise decent coulple of outings by the Angels, and the Yankees have been unapologetic about making them pay for them.

Regardless, despite losing some confidence in their ability to ruin the All-Mighty Yankees (shudder), I’m hopeful that a move back to the warmer Californian climate and friendlier fans will jumpstart their playoff chances.

I just hope it’s not to late.