Inching towards mediocrity.


Top Five Best Pictures (That Never Won Best Picture!)

Ah, the Oscars.

That wonderful time of year when rich people come together to act rich, dress rich, eat rich and generally be rich, all without actually having to spend any money, of which they have a lot more than your sorry ass will ever see.

After all, they’ve earned it…right?

In case you're wondering, it's not actually gold - just a gold plated, naked-man-shaped diamond.

Continue reading



Top Five Movies That Have an Important Environmental Message! (And Beat You Over The Head With It!)

Movies are great. Movies with a message…not so much.

Now, I’m not saying that I only enjoy mindless entertainment full of one-liners and blood and gore splattering over naked women while they blast away at zombies with artillery that is needlessly devastating (though, I have to admit, that’s pretty okay too), I’m just saying that if you want to teach me something with your film, at least make an attempt to be subtle.

For the record, this is not subtle.

Continue reading



An open letter to George Lucas. (Now with 99% more chin fat!)

George Lucas has returned, and may god have mercy on all of us.

Continue reading



Pandora’s box. (Now with 30% more o’dem “Avatar” blues!)

I saw James Cameron’s “Avatar” over the weekend. For whatever reason, the previews for this movie left me a bit cold, and it really wasn’t at the top of my list of movies to see this year. Despite being a huge fan of Cameron’s work, and despite this movie supposedly being a “huge game-changer” for cinema, my expectations were startlingly low. But this isn’t a review of “Avatar.” (Though I’m sure some of my thoughts on it will leak into the article). No, instead I’ve decided to focus on a far more disturbing subject. For you see, apparently James Cameron’s “Avatar” leads to severe depression and suicidal thoughts. And no, I’m not making this up.

Continue reading