Inching towards mediocrity.


Urine for a real treat.

So, while out interwebbing my day away (a common – and, at times, dangerous – hobby of mine) I stumbled upon an interesting theory. A theory that will affect our very lives in the near future.

And, as with most good theories, it involves drinking copious amounts of urine.

Your move, toilet.

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Thames as it ever was.

The Thames River in London, England, was declared biologically dead in the 1950’s – which is basically just a nice way of saying “you’re gross and awful and nothing will ever live in you.” Good news on the horizon, though – the Thames, apparently are a-changin’.

Things are looking up, river.

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James Bond Goes Green. (Or he would, if he were, you know…real).

I was daydreaming at work the other day (as I’m want to do from time to time) when I started thinking about James Bond. Not in any weird way, mind you (minus the general weirdness of a grown man thinking about James Bond in the middle of the day while, ostensibly, hard at work) (I wasn’t). No, I was thinking about James Bond’s penchant for gadgets, and the environmental part of my mind began to wonder what it would be like if James Bond went green. Would he still have those wonderful gadgets? Or would his desire to leave a smaller carbon footprint on the planet he’s been saving from cat loving super-villains for since the early 1960’s curb his gadgetry excess for good?

The majority of his enemies lairs and schemes run on natural volcano power. So they're good.

As with most things in life, the internet provided me with my answer.

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Alberta River Toxic; Politicians Remain Unconcerned.

Toxic pollutants have been found in the Athabasca River in Edmonton, near oilsands sites, but luckily the pollutants are at “insignificant levels.” So naturally no one seems to be concerned. Including Alberta’s environmental minister, the Honourable Rob Renner.

Pretty. (Also, toxic).

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Albert Gonquin’s Five Helpful Tips For Being Environmentally Conscious In The Woods (A Helpful List From Albert Gonquin)

Hello, everyone. I know you probably came here looking for Luciano Galasso to regale you with tales of whatever it is he usually talks about. Unfortunately, he’s not here at the moment…so I guess you’re just stuck with me. Allow me to introduce myself, though I don’t expect you to remember my name or ever bring it up in conversation again. That’s fine, by the way.

I hope you like feeling bored and disappointed. I'm Al Gonquin.

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Kevin Costner will save us all. (Now with 87% more hyperbole!)

They have tried everything to fix the oil spill. Garbage. Giant containment units. Golf balls. They even (briefly, I hope) considered nuking it.

There was one solution they hadn’t considered, though. Until now.

Kevin. Costner.

Yes. HIM.

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All’s whale that ends whale. (Now with 61% more feces!)

Have I got a whale of a tale for you today, dear reader. (And I assure you, that is only the first of many, many whale-based puns to come).

If you were "fishing" for more stories about whales, you got it! (Yes, I'm aware that they're mammals).

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