Inching towards mediocrity.

In Soviet Russia, Oil Spills You! (Now with 30% more Very Bad Ideas).

As the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico continues to…spill…oil…scientists from across the globe are frantically looking for an adequate means to cork the decidedly environmentally unfriendly disaster.

One of these ideas is being put forth by those lovable Russians; their solution? Nuke the bastard.

Don't worry, guys. Russia's got this.

While the normal reaction to such a seemingly ridiculous proposal is a simple “ha ha, what?” the Russians are dead serious about harnessing the awesome force of one of man’s greatest follies to rectify…another one of man’s greatest follies. And not for the first time either, apparently.

According to the Komsomolskaya Pravda, a best-selling daily Russian newspaper, (think the Globe & Mail, only drunker) mentions that in Soviet times, nuking oil spills was all the rage. The Soviet’s, one of the world’s largest oil exporters, used the method of underground, controlled nuclear blasts, not once, not twice, but five times – and with a success rate of 80%. Which sounds pretty aces in theory, but you would hope that at least an 88-90% success rate is required when dealing with nuclear bombs.

By the way, this is the first picture that pops up when you type Komsomolskaya Pravda into Google image search. I don't know if this makes them more credible or less credible.

The KP also goes on to mention how this practice (to reiterate, the practice of detonating nuclear bombs) was quite commonplace in the Soviet Union; canals and underground storage spaces for gas chambers were often created with subterranean nuclear explosions – and by often, I mean up to 169 times. Which is a lot of goddamn nuclear bombs.

Because THIS would just be CRAZY.

It doesn’t mention the success rate of these endeavors, nor the cost of detonating a nuclear warhead every time you wanted to dig a hole. Now, I’m no expert on history, but I would have figured the Soviet Union – and during the Cold War, no less – would have been stockpiling these weapons of mass destruction for future use against enemy targets, rather than just wasting them on digging trenches or taking out the recycling.

In Soviet Russia, bomb blows you! (I never get tired of that).

Maybe we could find a better use for nuclear energy than plugging oil-holes in the ocean. I know it sounds wacky, but how about we use this fantastic technology to, I don’t know, *power things* and we could avoid this whole oily mess. *Snicker*

Still, thanks for the Horrible Idea, Russia!

In Soviet Russia, peace gives YOU chance!

1 Comment so far
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oil spills can really mess up the environment, i hope we can find a very good solution to control oil spills ,~`

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