Inching towards mediocrity.

Five Weird Ways to Create Energy (Now with 30% more better dressed hamsters!)

Many people might not know this about me, but environmental and energy issues are something of an interest of mine, so that’s what we’ll be discussing today!

For as long as mankind has had power, we seem to be trying to develop new and interesting ideas to create it.

I'm not sure if this counts.

So, in the spirit of that, here are five methods people have – let’s say “developed” – that might do just that.

One. Cow power!

Cows. They’re docile, stupid, delicious, and apparently, the key to solving all of our energy woes. Apparently.

But mostly delicious.

To be fair, it’s not really the cows that we’re talking about here, but rather what the cows leave behind.

Yes, supposedly 3% of America’s total electricity demand could be supplied by cow manure. Which, I guess, is kind of impressive for the cows. Well done, gentlemen!

And, as an added bonus, utilizing this horrifying new energy could also greatly reduce greenhouse gases – thus saving the environment not one, but twofold!

And it’s all thanks to the decidedly overworked digestive systems of our bovine friends. Again, I must congratulate them on producing, what I can only assume, is a lot of poop.

Two. Tornadoes.

While the idea might initially sound terrifying, a Canadian inventor is proposing harnessing the raw power of tornadoes to create energy – luckily, he’s proposing this through the use of artificial tornadoes.

Seems like a reasonably safe idea to me.

Louis Michaud has an idea to use the waste heat from conventional power plants to create an “atmospheric vortex engine” – or, in simpler turns, a twisting funnel of death (also known as a tornado). This would in turn drive turbines and create energy, all while presumably not spinning out of control and destroying us all. The fact that he patented the idea in 1975, and has apparently made little to no headway in this grand scheme, only highlight the absurdity of such a plan.

Also, I’m pretty sure it was the basis for Sean Connery’s villainous plot in The Avengers.

And we all know that turned out okay.

Three. Giant Anaconda.

No, we’re not talking about the giant snake that killed Jon Voight.

If only we could harness the power of over-acting.

Rather, we’re talking about a strange new energy creating plan that I have only a very limited and basic understanding of. From what I do gather, it’s apparently a very long tube, closed off at both ends, full of water, and utilizes wave movements to generate power somehow.

Like this, only with more SCIENCE.

I dunno. Personally, I think I prefer the Jon Voight killing one.

Four. Dancing!

This is actually pretty cool. A dude in Rotterdam has created the world’s first sustainable dance club – that is the club, and all of it’s basic utilities are powered through the magic of DANCE.

You just got "served!" Some energy!

Originally designed and created by the environmental organization Enviu somehow manages to develop usable energy from the gyrating and awkward dance moves of your average teenager. Hey, look at that – I’m actually impressed with a nightclub for once!

For a more in depth look, take a look at this video (be warned, the majority of the dancers do look like total douchebags):

Five. Hamsters wearing tiny jackets.

From the article: Scientists have produced tiny jackets for hamsters to wear when they run, in a bid to solve the energy crisis.

Let’s back up for a minute and focus on the real issue, here. Sure, it’s kind of cool that scientists at Georgia University’s Nano Research Group have decided that the best way to solve the planet’s energy problems is by dressing up hamsters.

Faster, dammit! "Law & Order" is about to start!


Apparently the jackets have nano-generators attached, and convert irregular biomechanical energy into electricity. Unfortunately, as it would take approximately one thousand hamsters running at once just to power your cell phone, the entire scheme is as ineffective as it is adorable.

And it’s pretty damn adorable.

The Wrap-Up

I’m not sure if any of these will one day be a suitable replacement for nuclear energy or whatever else we use today to generate power…but hey, at least some people are thinking outside the box!

Some crazy, mad, borderline nutcase people.

1 Comment so far
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Can you imagine the power that would be generated if the club was entirely populated by Jersey Shore type people or “Bobby Bottle Service” type guys and girls. The amount of leg humping, grinding and dry humping would lite up half the city.
“Is best bro, is best club. Is best.”

Comment by jeff

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