Inching towards mediocrity.

An open letter to George Lucas. (Now with 99% more chin fat!)

George Lucas has returned, and may god have mercy on all of us.

Apparently bored and tired of continuing to destroy his beloved “Star Wars” franchise, the bloated bearded one has instead turned to James Cameron for inspiration. No, he’s not planning on making a movie about blue-skinned Native Americans, or adding unnecessary CGI penguins to “Titanic.” Lucas will however be utilizng advanced CGI technology to create a film that tells the World War II story of the Tuskegee Airmen, America’s first black pilots. And it has fairies! Also, it’s a musical.

He's smirking because he knows nerds will pay to see ANYTHING he does. No matter how godawful it is.

Now, I’m usually not one to pass judgment on something before I see it. After all, I’m sure even the pitch for “Star Wars” sounded ridiculous the first time people heard it. I mean, really – space samurais with laser swords fighting a half-man, half-robot wizard in a galaxy far, far away? Giant, moon sized space stations? Puppets galore?!?

To be fair, though...puppets = awesome.

And even still, I’m not 100% sure about what kind of judgment I would pass. The idea sounds pretty ridiculous (read:stupid) but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. As I said, I’m sure even “Star Wars” looked weird on paper. But even barring that, this could actually have the makings of a good film – or at least an interesting one. And even the worst case scenario would suggest that even if this does end up being terrible, there’s a very good chance that it could be so terrible as to actually become something entertaining. Not exactly cult status, mind you, but just misguided and inept enough to be actually enjoyable – for all the wrong reasons, of course.

Kind of like this. Only stupider.

Regardless of how brilliantly horrible or horribly brilliant this CGI/fairy/musical extravaganza may or may not be, at least it’s good for one thing:

Keeping George Lucas the fuck away from the “Star Wars” franchise for a while.

And I hate being a bandwagon jumper onner…I mean, I get it. George Lucas fucked up. Big time. The man almost singlehandedly shaped my childhood (Spielberg and Zemeckis are in there as well) with his visionary space opus – and then later on completely destroyed it for fun and profit. Utilizing all the special effect gizmos and doodads that he had lacked in 1977, Georgie Peorgie decided it would be a good idea to re-edit his space opus – and than create a newer, deader-on-arrival opus that was more douchey cartoon characters, and less puppets.

This. Is not. Good.

There are many who hail Lucas as a visionary genius – and, certainly, there was a time when I agreed with this. The “Star Wars” saga is, and will always remain, a benchmark in cinema – childish fighting cartoon Yoda or not.

But it remains to be seen if he’s truly the genius we all believe he is – or, was. I am fully aware of his role in the Indiana Jones movies as well, so I suppose it’s unfair to call him a one-trick pony.

This is awesome.

I think it is fair to say, however, (and this is especially true after watching whatever the hell “Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls” was) that his heyday is long behind him, and at some point between “The Empire Strikes Back” and “The Last Crusade” he really lost the plot.

Prove me wrong, George. Prove me wrong.

I searched long and hard for a reason to include this picture in today's post...then I said, fuck it, it's John Salley cradling George Lucas like a baby. It's IN.


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